Keith Friberg Review

I’ll never forget today, let me tell ya. Today was not only the scariest day of my life, but it’s a day that I’ll remember as the day that I paid for the most expensive smoothie of all time. I walked into the L.A. Fitness of Wellington this afternoon, only to purchase a smoothie at their smoothie counter. I couldn’t find anyone working behind the counter, so I rang the bell for service. The door behind the smoothie counter then swung open so fast, as if a hurricane blew it open. Out came a six-foot, seven-inch, 280-pound man built of pure muscle! He slowly walked toward the counter in a very creepy way. He was every bit as intimidating as you could imagine…. he wasn’t even wearing a shirt! He stood in front of me, shirtless, muscles bulging out everywhere. “CAN I HELP YOU?!”, he screamed in front of my face. After being scared and stuttering for about ten seconds, I finally told him that I wanted to get a smoothie. He turned around and started making it. “Do you want a collector’s cup?”, he asked, now seeming a little more calm. “Sure, why not?”, I responded. After about 10 to 15 minutes of waiting for him to finish my smoothie, he put it in the smoothie cup and slammed it on the counter. “That’ll be $22.50”, he said with a smile. Anticipating laughter from the guy because I assumed the price was a joke, I stood there confused. He then repeated the price, this time more stern. “Are you kidding me?”, I said. His smile then faded as his teeth clenched and he began to turn red. He closed his eyes really tight and said “does it look like I’m kidding?!”, while now huffing and puffing. As I was looking at this so-called “collector’s cup”, I couldn’t help but notice it was a hologram-picture himself. Underneath his picture read “Keith Friberg”. As you rotated the cup around to the other side, the hologram changed to a picture of Warren Moon passing a football, and as you proceeded to turn the cup, Keith Friberg was there catching the ball on the other side of it. “I’m sorry, I didn’t expect it to be so much money,” I said, as I slid the smoothie back toward his direction. He now opened his eyes and had the nastiest looking expression on his face I had ever seen. I apologized again, and started heading toward the restrooms. The next thing I heard was a loud “SLAM!” coming from his direction, as I turned around to see that he had slammed the smoothie cup on the ground. He then looked up and me and gave me a nasty, sinister grin. I just proceeded into the bathroom thinking that guy has some serious issues. I sat down on the toilet for about thirty seconds, before I heard a loud pounding on the door. The pounding was so loud, I thought the door was going to break! “Toilet is occupied!”, I said. The pounding continued, so I said louder “I SAID THE TOILET IS OCCUPIED!” The incredibly loud pounding came to a sudden stop. “Let me in!”, I heard a man say on the other side. “I’m going to the bathroom, just wait a minute!” “OPEN THIS DOOR!”, I now heard the man scream, in such a scary, evil voice. The sound of his voice sent such a chill down my spine! Another huge knock at the door! Another! I couldn’t believe my eyes when I finally saw half of the head-end of an axe plow through the door! “HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!”, I thought, scared out of my mind! The man again nailed the axe against the door, breaking open another spot! I now started screaming for help. I then could hear the man on the other side of the door laughing hysterically, as he continuously chopped at the door! Finally, after the man chopped a huge hole right in the center of the door, he stuck his face in! “HEEEEEEEEEEEERE’S FRIBERG!” Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! It was Keith Friberg, the man behind the smoothie counter! He then stuck his arm in, attempting to unlock the door. I did the only thing I could think of, which was wipe my dirty toilet paper on his hand! He quickly pulled his arm away and started screaming. He once again started chopping away at the door, screaming the entire time. I was so scared for my life, I didn’t know what to do, as I sat helplessly on the toilet. “FREEZE!”, I heard as the chopping stopped. Thank God! The cops were there! I heard them outside the door place Keith under arrest. I quickly wiped my behind and got off the toilet. I opened what was left of the door only to find about seven or eight cops having Keith in handcuffs. “You think these cuffs are gonna hold ME?!”, he screamed, as the cops were pulling him away from the door. It took all eight of the cops to finally put him in the cop car. One cop then came up to me to interview what had happened. They took pictures of the scene, and made me make a written statement. The only thing they could arrest Keith for was battery they told me, so basically he’d be coming right back out of jail. It’s amazing what I had to go through simply because I wouldn’t pay for a $22 smoothie. What a ripoff!

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